Trusting and Writing

I've always been a writer; it is a drive inside me that allows this shy human to release the emotions that build up inside. Writing is living. Not everyone has this internal need to write but I'm one who does. When I was little I loved to write. All through school I loved essay tests and research papers. As I became an adult suffering from depression my journals were life sustaining, one day at a time.

I have stacks of journals from the darkest, saddest, times in my life. Some I dare not open for they engulf me in the same depression that once controlled my life. Reading those journals would require great strength and courage and I'm not sure I'm there yet.

My faith in God is what I allow to control my life now. I couldn't live without faith. Everyday seems hemmed in His power and guidance when I let Him take charge. He keeps me together; He keeps me from unraveling. My days are far from the dark days I once experienced. Now, I can function fairly normally, even with the gloom that tends to float near me. Some days are better than others, as it is for all of us.

I must remember to follow God's will, His way, in His time. (Thank you, Pastor Dave). Perhaps my writing is meant to help others and God will guide that in happening. Perhaps my depression is His way of getting across a point, revealing something unique to me that will turn into something very good.

I don't understand why I suffer from depression and it's hard for others to understand that I can't just shake it off. Perhaps it is part of who I am; it's my burden to carry. I'm thankful to be better and I trust that one day it will be completely gone and I'm anxious for that day.

"I wait patiently for the Lord; he turns to me and hears my cry. He lifts me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he sets my feet on a rock and gives me a firm place to stand. He puts a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord. (Psalm 40:1-3 NIV; tense changed by Gloria).

Just Love God and Have a Good Day

Good morning. Are you ready for a good day? That's what is ahead of you. Sunshine and birds singing, leaves changing colors and green grass that's been watered by God.

What a magnificent day is ahead. No matter what you have to do: grocery shopping, going to work, driving, cleaning house, mowing the lawn, watching a cross country meet or a volleyball game, babysitting, spending time with a friend, getting ready for tomorrow night's football game...whatever you do today, love God and all things will work together for good.

Some mornings I'd rather stay in bed but something wakes me up and says get ready for the new day. I love the morning sunrise, even if I'm tired, the beauty of seeing the sun rise above the horizon delights my soul. The light spreading color on the clouds is more than beautiful. It is a reminder of God's power in His creation.

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose," (Romans 8:28 ESV).

I'm excited to start a new day with a fresh slate to write for my Heavenly Father. What will I do with this glorious day? How will I use it for His sake? Whatever we do today, let's bless it to Our Heavenly Father's glory.  Amen.

Sticky Note Hearts

I have reminders all around my house. Two blue sticky notes feature a hand-drawn heart and "I love you". One is posted on my computer and one is on the mirror of the bathroom. They are from my granddaughter who is six years old. I also have a beautiful picture she sent me that is colored hearts - one big one in the middle with a scattering of little hearts all around. I miss Piper and her brother Graham (and their mom and dad, too).

They are many miles away so I can't give them a hug when I'm missing them. We FaceTime about once a week. Piper makes all sorts of funny faces into the phone as she talks to me. It makes me smile to see her. We live a pretty boring life so there isn't a lot to talk about with them. They get tired of hearing the same things: we went to church today; we watched Bailey play volleyball; we went to Payton's cross country meet; we had a birthday dinner with Paige and Brent; I made sugar cookies and so on.

I am challenged to put my trust in God, that He is protecting my beloved grandchildren, whether they are across the country (as three of mine are), or just half an hour away. Scripture reminds me to put my trust in God to guard their hearts and minds in Christ Jesus and be glad.

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus," (Philippians 4:4-7 NIV).

I will trust you, Lord, to protect my blessed grandchildren, in all that they do. Surround them with your love so they will always know You, I pray. Amen.

Footprints

When my boys were in grade school I volunteered to help the teachers. One of the most memorable tasks was helping the kindergarteners walk through green paint and make footprints on paper. It took two of us, one to walk the child carefully and place their feet neatly, and another to clean off the feet before they escaped and there were green feet all over the classroom.

The volunteers would come one day a week and do whatever tasks were requested by the teachers. There were days of cutting out letters for bulletin board displays; collating pages to create work packets; and occasional days of working with the children in the classroom. Teachers needed and still do need all the extra hands they can get.

The footprints activity reminds me of the poem, "Footprints in the Sand."

"On night I dreamed a dream. As I was walking along the beach with my Lord. Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand, One belonging to me and one to my Lord.

After the last scene of my life flashed before me I looked back at the footprints in the sand. I noticed that at many times along the path of my life, especially at the very lowest and saddest times, there was only one set of footprints.

This really troubled me, so I asked the Lord about it. Lord, you said once I decided to follow you, You'd walk with me all the way. But I noticed that during the saddest and most troublesome times of my life, there was only one set of footprints. I don't understand why, when I needed You the most, You would leave me."

He whispered, "My precious child, I love you and will never leave you, Never, ever, during your trials and testings. When you saw only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you.""

The poem is credited to Mary Stevenson, Margaret Fishback Powers or Carolyn Joyce Carty, though typically signed, "Author Unknown." All three women have registered copyrights for the poem, according to the web.

Unlike this poem, footprints are as individual as the foot that makes them. Only one can claim the fame. God knows where this poem originated and that is Who matters. The beauty of the poem's image has blessed countless people and perhaps strengthened their faith along the way. Just as the green painted footprints represent the life of the children who made them, the footprints in the sand remind us of our constant companion in life, Jesus Christ.

Memorization - Not Me

I remember my Mama helping me memorize poems for an assignment in grade school.  I remember standing near the hot water radiator while practicing the poems each week. I knew even then that I was not good at memorizing. My brain just doesn't seem to remember things. I can't recite the poems or even tell you what they were about now. Mama however could probably remember them all. I dreaded the day I had to recite the poem in school and I may only have memorized one that I could recite correctly. I still remember the delight of that accomplishment.

I was challenged by spelling words, too. Mama also helped me practice spelling words every week but I never was very good at that. I'm still terrible at spelling although over time I have grown to remember many words. When I was in middle school I worked on a play but I never wanted a part with lots of script. I knew I wouldn't be able to memorize a lot. I struggled with just a few lines. It was the same with Christmas programs at church.

When I went to college and needed to remember vocabulary or series of words I would devise different ways to remember the words I needed to know. I was challenged to remember anything but wanting my degree bad enough helped me work hard enough to overcome my memorizing deficits.

I am the same way with Scripture verses. I don't do a good job of memorizing verses. I do find that I can remember parts of verses and some I can even trace what book they are found in, but only by keeping a constant nose in the Bible. I admire those who can recite a Scripture verse. I must keep reading and practicing to keep familiarizing myself with all that is in the Bible. Though I can't memorize much, I love being in the Word and getting to know Scripture and holding it in my heart.

"Do not merely listen to the word...Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it--he will be blessed in what he does," (James 1:22-25 NIV).

The Light In You

It's been a rainy week in Iowa. Sometimes the darkness outside makes me feel blue, too. I need sunshine, literally. I need the Vitamin D that is in sunlight. I open my shades in the winter to let in whatever sun we receive but even then, sometimes when gray winter weather hits I use a light machine at my desk to increase the Vitamin D effects.

Jesus tells us that we are the light of the world. Our light can brighten a room or cheer someone who is feeling down. A big smile or a gentle hug can lift anyone's spirits and create a domino effects as they pass along the kindness to someone else.

""You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven,"" (Matthew 5:14-16 NIV).

This scripture always reminds me of the Sunday school song, "This Little Light of Mine". "I'm gonna let it shine, for Jesus. This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine, let it shine, let it shine."

As our day begins again with showers and dark skies, I encourage you to let your inner light shine today, even if the sun is shining. Be the light of the world to someone today!

Treasures

Last week we were concerned about our son and family in North Carolina facing the hurricane. Fortunately, they suffered no damage from the storm, though they were waiting to see what the storm surge brought up the river today. Hurricane Dorian certainly brought terrible devastation to the Bahama Islands, leaving nothing untouched there, it seems.

Locals told my daughter-in-law to store valued items in watertight containers so they were ready for a storm at anytime. Some things are hard to replace while others need to be replaced periodically.

John has been repainting our outdoor furniture before he puts it back on the freshly stained deck. The cast iron table and chairs looked rather gray after many years of use. But they were still strong and sturdy for sitting.

As we get older I think about what really matters and realize I have a lot of "stuff" that doesn't have value to me any more. I need to get rid of it because I know it has even less value to my sons! Several trips to the donation center will take care of a lot of it. Some items have sentimental value yet others can be released without any pain at all. There are two large boxes that contain photographs and family memorabilia that will stay.

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also," (Matthew 6:19-21 NIV).

What a good reminder! Life gets busy sometimes and we let our "stuff" accumulate. There comes a time to start simplifying our life and our treasures. What really has value is in Jesus' hands. Knowing that, I think I can start thinning things down in our house. And what better time than the present?

A Time To Cry

When I had my first baby, I was 18 years old. I had plenty of babysitting experience but that didn't prepare me for a fussy, unhappy baby. I've been burdened by guilt for all these 45 years because he cried so much. I feel like a failure as a mom.

I felt so alone. My mom came to help the first week but she had several teeth pulled so she wasn't feeling well. She did let me sleep the first couple of nights. After she left I didn't feel I could call her for advice because I thought she would think I was a terrible mom; I didn't want to admit I wasn't perfect.

I wish I would have tried nursing him but there was no one around to support me and even the hospital didn't encourage me. It might have made him healthier. He was on formula. He would gulp down a bottle so fast, then during a burp or just resting he would spit up all that he drank and he would be hungry again, way before he was due to eat. It became a vicious cycle that went on day and night. He cried and cried and cried, and so did I. I assumed it was a tummy ache that caused his crying.

We tried car rides in the middle of the night, bouncing, walking, and we were so thankful for the wind-up swing. Even though it made a terrible cranking noise when we wound it up - that always woke him up. I tried to explain to my doctor the problem but after examining him (looking healthy and gaining weight) he scolded me for bringing him in and for worrying. He said, "He's fine!" But he sure wasn't a happy baby. And I wasn't a happy mom. I left the doctor's office sobbing.

As I look back I think I probably suffered with postpartum depression. I don't know if it was colic, or an allergy to the formula or what?  He would cry, sleep only short intervals, and I'd try everything to make him happy and sometimes I'd finally put him safely in his bed and let him cry while I closed the door and covered my ears and cried with him.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God," (2 Corinthians 1:3-4 NIV).

Thankfully, we have a loving, caring God who forgives us and has created us in His likeness. He gives us comfort for the years of trouble and blesses us bountifully. Thank you, God.

Work With All Your Heart

I have done a lot of jobs during my lifetime. I babysat. I cleaned houses. I was a clerk in a bookstore. I was a stay-at-home mom. I was a nurse aide for residents of a nursing home. I worked as a receptionist at a tax office. I was a data-entry person at an insurance company.  I was a reporter for a small weekly newspaper. I was a college student. And finally I was a supervisor of media relations at a college. Now, I am retired.

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving," (Colossians 3:23-24 NIV).

As I look back at the jobs I've done, I feel good about what I did, how I applied myself, how I served others, and how I worked with others. Of all the jobs I think babysitting was my least favorite. But, even so I learned something during every job I held. Most of my jobs ran for about five years before I moved on to the next. The exception was nurse aide where I ruined my back in the duration of a year. I loved serving the residents there but the lifting did me in.

I truly enjoyed helping people. It gave me a great feeling when I could do something that someone really appreciated: finding the book they were looking for, locating a tax return for a preparer, completing data entry efficiently, or writing a story the public enjoyed reading.

As the scripture says, in everything we do we serve the Lord. I pray God will help me continue to serve Him even in my retirement years by being kind, courteous, helpful, and thoughtful to others as I go to the store, or to an appointment, to church, or greet my neighbors.

Lord, help me be a servant to You in all ways, everyday. Amen.