Trusting and Writing

I've always been a writer; it is a drive inside me that allows this shy human to release the emotions that build up inside. Writing is living. Not everyone has this internal need to write but I'm one who does. When I was little I loved to write. All through school I loved essay tests and research papers. As I became an adult suffering from depression my journals were life sustaining, one day at a time.

I have stacks of journals from the darkest, saddest, times in my life. Some I dare not open for they engulf me in the same depression that once controlled my life. Reading those journals would require great strength and courage and I'm not sure I'm there yet.

My faith in God is what I allow to control my life now. I couldn't live without faith. Everyday seems hemmed in His power and guidance when I let Him take charge. He keeps me together; He keeps me from unraveling. My days are far from the dark days I once experienced. Now, I can function fairly normally, even with the gloom that tends to float near me. Some days are better than others, as it is for all of us.

I must remember to follow God's will, His way, in His time. (Thank you, Pastor Dave). Perhaps my writing is meant to help others and God will guide that in happening. Perhaps my depression is His way of getting across a point, revealing something unique to me that will turn into something very good.

I don't understand why I suffer from depression and it's hard for others to understand that I can't just shake it off. Perhaps it is part of who I am; it's my burden to carry. I'm thankful to be better and I trust that one day it will be completely gone and I'm anxious for that day.

"I wait patiently for the Lord; he turns to me and hears my cry. He lifts me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he sets my feet on a rock and gives me a firm place to stand. He puts a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord. (Psalm 40:1-3 NIV; tense changed by Gloria).